Love is the Answer

So, yesterday I told you all about losing my little brother a few weeks ago and the profound impact it had on me.  Today is a day for taking a step towards living the lesson that I now understand to be true.  LOVE IS THE ANSWER.  If everything up to this moment was uncertain and serious, today we need to put on some lip gloss, and raise the energy around here!  As much as I would love to stay sad and live in a melancholy space, that would be an insult to my brother and the life he lived, so instead, I'm just going to lean on in and tell it as I see it!  The lesson is out there, and oh yes, it’s in here too (pointing to my heart) and I have received it loud and clear baby; “love is the answer.”  Now what? 

It sure does sound pretty but let’s be honest, how in hell are we supposed to live it when there are still people talking behind our back, casting judgments, making up stories, spreading un-truths, challenging our beliefs, cutting us off in traffic, doing us wrong, flipping us the bird….the list goes on and on.  How do we stay in the “love is the answer” space when all this shit is still being hurled at us?  That’s the million dollar question my friend.

I get it, I really do.  Some days I feel like I am one wrong, sideways look  away from throwing a rock at someone’s pretty little head.  But then I remember that as a functioning grown-up who likes to believe that she knows the difference between right and wrong, I need to at the very least, TRY to love them and their pretty, sideways looks.  While I may not love 100% of who they are 100% of the time, any bit of shared love is typically a lot better than getting arrested for throwing a rock at someone's head...maybe....I think. 

Stop that….no rock throwing is EVER good…. Do not throw rocks…or even sand….in fact, don’t even throw shade, I know you and you’re better than that!

Love and kindness and all that other intentional goodness is a choice and one that requires us to work at it every day until it becomes a habit (I’ll let you know how long it takes to become a habit as soon as I get there).  I speak from experience when I tell you that consciously choosing this whole “love one another” idea is no small thing, not even for me and I’m the one preaching about and desperately trying to live it. 

The truth is that I was raised by a mother who has taken finding the worst in people to a whole new level of awful and actually made it into her chosen art form.  My mother could find fault with pure AIR so believe me when I tell you that I am working constantly and very intentionally to undo many years of having been programmed to see the worst in just about anyone.  Maybe that’s why this is so important to me that I at least try to live in a head space that is the exact of opposite of what I was brought up seeing.

All I can really tell you with any certainty about love is that it’s a choice, it aint always easy, it aint always well received… and every single part of seeing and sharing it is a conscious choice that only YOU can make.   But if we do have a choice between seeing the best in someone, giving them the benefit of the doubt while elevating our mood AND putting good into the world OR finding fault and judgment in everybody and being a crotchety beast wallowing around in the mud all the time, doesn’t the answer seem simple and obvious?  (unless you’re my mother)  Of course the choice is clear…

CHOOSE LOVE EVERY SINGLE TIME BABY!!!

So, I have an idea….and I'm thinking maybe we can do this together…..maybe today you and I can decide that it is DAY ONE of our brand new “LOVE IS THE ANSWER” Adventure.  Perhaps we start with one tiny step towards love by finding something good in everybody!  For some of you this is as easy as taking a breath, for others with a long list of people you believe have hurt you or done you wrong, this might be a bit more challenging.  Can I suggest you join me in giving it a try anyway?  Yes YOU.  Right now!

Let’s do this!

Think of someone who up to this moment you’ve always thought was sort of a sucky human being…or who made you feel bad about yourself…or you can even pick somebody who someone else TOLD you is a sucky human being but you’ve never really talked to them enough to actually know what sort of human they are…you’re just being sort of judgy and kind of like a robot who doesn’t really have your own opinions.…but I’m not judging you because I feel nothing but love and you have such pretty eyes!!  

Anyway, picture that person as if they were standing right in front of you…smile at them     (a genuine smile, not the serial killer kind of smile that you usually share)….look deep into their eyes and tell them one thing you absolutely love about them….yep, I said it….

TELL THEM what you LOVE about them  (stop freaking out, this is an imaginary exercise designed to get you to start looking for and ultimately finding the good in EVERYBODY and guess what, nobody is forcing you to play along, this is all voluntary so stop complaining and find the good).

Did you see yourself doing it?  Did you see the look of shock and awe on their face?  But wait…did you also see a hint of a smile form on the sides of their mouth?  I saw it!  Yay for you!  You made someone happy today…well, an imaginary someone….but at least they were happy.  

Now be honest, I know that it gave you a fluttery stomach ache for a few seconds, but then didn’t it feel fabulous to say something nice to somebody who is probably only a jerk because somebody made them feel like they aren’t worthy of your compliment to begin with?  (seriously, I do not excuse them, but do you really think bullies begin their lives as bullies or do they maybe get to that mean place as a response to how they were treated first?  Think about it…the world needs more love dammit!  Even and especially the bullies.) 

Since I know you were about to ask, yes, I actually do get tired of trying to keep up with and outsmart the shitty people.  I find it requires a hell of a lot less effort to be nice, I really do. Just the thought of plotting in advance how I’m going to be mean to somebody makes me tired!  (Did I mention that I’m a Scorpio and YES, we most certainly do plot these things in advance…. Did you really think we were all just spontaneously witty? Ha…not so much) 

The easiest thing when we feel crappy about ourselves or are in a bad mood is to try and spread our lousy mood around because as the negative old saying goes, “misery loves company.”  But think about it, how selfish do we have to be to think that our mood is the only mood that matters and that if I’m feeling bad than you damn well better believe you’re going to feel bad too!  Really?  Now who’s the shitty person?

That’s just rotten and you and I are NOT rotten.  Yes, we’re bruised and tired, and our feelings might be hurt and we might really want to hurt someone else’s feelings so they know how it feels, but nobody can ever really know what we’re feeling because they are not us and we all experience things differently.  

So stop expecting everybody to drop everything and feel the way you do do….it’s not going to ever happen!  The closest you’ll get is maybe some empathy, or perhaps if you get really dramatic, you’ll be on the receiving end of a fabulous pity party, but do you really want people feeling sorry for you?  Probably not, but if you do, this blog is certainly not going to help you at all because you don’t really WANT to be helped, so you should stop reading and go find something else to occupy your time. 

We’re closed.

Anyway, I digress.  How about instead of peddling anger and grief, we skip all that nonsense and go straight to the good stuff…  What if we went out of our way to try and leave every single person we meet better off than when we found them?  Maybe that  just means ten seconds of looking deep into their eyes and offering them an authentic smile, one of those smiles that lets them know that they have been truly seen!!!

YES TO BIG BEAUTIFUL INTENTIONAL SMILES!!!!
Let’s get fabulous new shoes and intentionally take the road less traveled….let’s hold hands and get in there deep where the truth and unconditional love lives.  It’s so much prettier there and I think you’ll agree with me, happy, fluffy, candy, coated love feels so much better than jagged, cold, toothy, snot nosed anger!!! (how’s that for a visual?)

 Love is the good stuff baby!  It’s the Tootsie Roll or Bubble Gum at the center of the lollipop!  It’s the cheap and crappy fabulous surprise in the bottom of the Cracker Jack Box (or cereal box if you are too young to know what Cracker Jacks are). Love is all those extra quarters and dimes that come back when you pay exactly what you’re supposed to pay at the automated toll booth on the Illinois SkyWay and for whatever reason, you magically get a pile of change for no reason.  (Or so I’ve heard)

Love is AWESOME and once you get a little you want more and more and then all of a sudden you have so much that it spills over the top and you wind up giving some away because there just isn’t enough room in your beautiful heart to hold all that love…and since you’re a responsible and kind grown-up, you know that anything worth having is always exponentially better and grows SO MUCH bigger when it’s given away.  WOW!  How great is love?  

I was right all along (surprise surprise)…..love really is the answer. (Insert bubble machine bubbles here)

On the other hand, anger and judgment and all its other mean-girl, negative friends, well they are like the cold, hard brick walls of a prison….a dark prison that you build for yourself and for whatever reason, keep hurling yourself into no matter how much it hurts….because it’s a bad habit and you keep forgetting that some habits are made to be broken (or is that promises? )! 
And guess what else is true? You probably don’t even remember this, but you can leave that shitty prison of yours any time you want to, you’re the one who knows the way out…you’re the only one who has the magical mystical key.

So, what the heck….the choice is yours….and mine…. Cold, ugly, void of human emotion, self-imposed anger prison or big, beautiful, fluffy white clouds and multi-colored candy covered love?  You choose!  If you chose anything but love, choose again….and again….until you choose love.

If I were a gambling woman, and as a matter of fact, I am a gambling woman (not often, but often enough to be able to say that I AM a gambling woman…even if they are only nickel slots) I would bet that you always choose love because YOU are a fabulous human being with a heart as big as your imagination can see (bigger) and I instinctively know that no matter what you might have previously chosen for yourself yesterday, you suddenly realize that today is a beautiful, brand-new-world-of-possibility day and you have known all along that love really is the only answer!!

How amazing does this feel? Yay for us!!   We’re intentionally shiny, happy, love sharing and love living people and we’re just getting warmed up!  WOW!!  We’re about to permanently move into the most magical heart space because where there is love, there is always Happily Ever After possibility….and we can say so because now we know so.

So now you know all the really important stuff my friend, but it’s up to you to get out there and live it!  Love has the capacity to literally fix every single thing and change it into twinkling, sparkly, glittery beams of rippling, never ending bliss filled light.  But first we have to decide to BE love….give love…receive love and yes, find love even in the darkest, saddest, scariest and heart-breakiest of places….

No matter who, no matter what, no matter where and nope, don’t even bother trying to ask why because the reason is always the same….love is always the answer!!

Wishing you bliss and blessings!

Heather

My Brother Matthew

My little brother Matthew died three weeks ago, July 10^th 2017….and when I say “little,” I mean, he was 45….just a little over two years younger than me….too young to die.

His death was not unexpected, he had heroically and courageously been battling cancer for two years and the last few months we knew that time was getting short.  About a week before his passing we had one of those conversations where he let me know that he was very much aware that Death had been skulking around his door.  I wasn’t at all prepared for how quickly he would snatch my brother away or for the profound and potentially life-altering moments Matthew and I would have just prior to his death.  

I’ve certainly experienced death prior to losing my brother, and I know that often in the wake of losing a loved one we are suddenly and understandably reminded of our own mortality.  Grief has a way of inviting all sorts of crazy thoughts to bubble up to the surface; it often bitch-slaps us across the face and leaves us feeling like we should suddenly create all sorts of monumental changes in our lives.   

Death and all its blinding finality sort of brings on a need to make big promises to ourselves and others.  We re-connect with people at funerals and promise to “stay in touch.” We go home and vow to not take our lives for granted, to not take our loved ones for granted…. We decide it’s time to be more fully present in our lives and to intentionally appreciate the time WE are fortunate enough to still have.  It all sounds very promising and very positive for a while but then time goes by and before you know it the inevitable happens; LIFE GOES ON and we, being the delicious creatures of habit that we are, fall right back into our usual habits. 

Well in my case, not this time, not me, not possible.  I know that I have been profoundly touched because of an experience I had with my brother just a few days before he died. It left such a beautiful mark on my heart and yet, I am struggling because real life often falls short and I fear that it might never again be as pure and honest as it was that evening. 

The Friday night before my brother died, I was staying with him and his family in the city.  His wife had run to the store to pick up a late-night prescription for him and my nieces were sleeping.  Matthew, in his horribly weakened state had still found a way to walk himself out of their bedroom because he wanted to get out to the balcony.  I put my arms around this once incredibly healthy and physically near-perfect little brother of mine to help him walk a few steps and get a little fresh, night-time air.  We sat down side by side, shared a few private words, exchanged “I love you” and then just stayed there quietly holding hands and crying for a bit.  It was simultaneously heartbreaking and beautiful.

I can’t remember hearing any of the usual sounds of the city around us or feeling like I needed to say something to fill up the silence because I knew that no more words would be necessary.  What had taken place between my brother and I in those few moments transcended language…. He and I, for the first time in our lifetime together as siblings who could never quite get on to the same page, had finally, in this eleventh hour, gotten to a common heart space of absolute peace and unconditional love.  It moved me to my core and I can tell you with zero uncertainty that I will never be the same... 

I consciously called upon every one of my senses to help me to be able to take a mental and emotional snapshot of those minutes so that I could hold on to them forever.  I knew in that short time with my little brother we had each experienced a love both given and received that was stripped bare of anything other than what its most true and purest form was ever intended to feel like.  That brief window of time with him, out there on that balcony will forever be among the most sacred moments of my life and I know in the very depth of my soul that that evening was a game-changer for me…. 

As I laid on their couch unable to sleep that night, even amidst all the sadness I was experiencing, there was a peace in my heart that I had never known could be possible.  It made absolute sense that during a collision of the most honest and polar opposite emotions, somehow my greatest and most beautifully raw life lesson had happened in one of my darkest hours.  

I’m 47 years old and thank God, thanks to my little brother, I finally get it now.  I really do and I am going to fight like hell to share this truth and never let this clarity get buried again…it’s just too damned good..

In the beginning of all existence, in the middle of life and even at the tail end as we take our last breath… all that we leave behind and all that we take with us, all that has ever mattered and all that we truly are is pure, unconditional and beautiful love.   Period.

Anything else that gets into our head and muddies the waters between YOU and LOVE is just a big lie created and perpetuated by ego.  

Ego speaks to fear….it speaks to judgment, it speaks to every inner voice that has ever told you that you are not worthy.  

Ego is the whisper telling you that your true self is not enough, that you fall short, that you are broken.  

Ego is what tells you to shrink your sparkle, to hide your gifts, to doubt your true nature.

Ego is the great divide between you and unconditional, pure love.

Ego is malice and suspicion.

Ego wants you to believe that it exists to protect you.

By its very nature, ego exists to keep you from being too happy….too comfortable…..too satisfied.
Ego does not want you to truly know love because once you do, Ego knows that it will cease to exist.

LOVE, on the other hand, wants the best for you and has the purest of intentions for you.

LOVE knows that all things are possible

LOVE knows that you are enough

LOVE knows that you are already a perfect miracle in motion.

LOVE knows to choose joy

LOVE knows that YOU are the reflection and the embodiment of its truest form 

LOVE knows to say YES

LOVE knows that you are always  and already so very worthy.

LOVE IS THE ANSWER.

LOVE is all that there really is.

Even today as I am so very sad because my brother is not here, my heart is full because for what seemed like an eternity, I got to be in the space of that pure moment of awe-inspiring unconditional love with my brother and if I am very lucky, I will never, ever be the same.

Wishing you love, bliss and blessings…

Heather

Golden Girl

When I first created this blog, I thought my intent was to share all sorts of my mixed media art with you, but as the last couple of years have happened, so much has changed and I find myself on a different sort of path now. It’s hard to permit myself to embrace that the things I wanted even just a few months ago are not part of the reality I am working to create for myself today.

The truth is, the last several months I have been on a journey back from a life-altering discovery…and I plan to tell you about it one day, but for now, I don’t want to be defined by this “thing” or have it to become the focus of what my life is about. So today, let’s just say that it is one of those things that continues to rock me to my core every day and leaves me with the understanding that the woman I was prior to this “reality” is very different from the woman who is emerging on the other side.  I am awake now and only just beginning to learn how to be comfortable with this new me.

I am also learning first hand that often times in order for all of the dark things within us or around us to heal and really be filled with light, we have to lean deep into them and allow them to fall apart…really fall apart….like smashed to bits and then run over with a truck until they are unrecognizable fall apart.

I am slowly, one delicate and intentionally chosen piece at a time, putting myself back together now. 

Did you know that when the Japanese break something they put it back together one piece at a time by filling in the cracks with silver or gold? They believe that something is more beautiful once it has been broken and pieced back together again so they have made an art form out of the process…. I love this idea because as I now know from personal experience it means that in addition to all of my chips, cracks and broken pieces contributing to the beauty of my story, the spaces between the broken bits are the shiny spaces where the light get in and makes me more beautiful.  What a wonderful concept.

Wishing you bliss and blessings.

Heather

From Ordinary to Extra-Ordinary!

How many times have you opened a junk drawer and found an old deck of playing cards living there?  You probably kept rooting around, moving everything about to find what you were looking for and never gave those lonely cards a second thought.  Let's face it, unless there's a game of Texas Hold Em getting ready to happen, we don't really pay much homage to the sad little cards.... But maybe we should....because what if, like a caterpillar to a butterfly, they could become something magical?

I opened up my new art studio; Ruby Slippers (click here to read all about it:  http://www.rubyslippersarts.com/welcome.html ) with the idea that I would do my very best to share my love of taking the oh-so-ordinary and transforming it into what Mixed Media art looks like for me.  From old drawer fronts to playing cards, imagine what we could keep out of landfill if we would only learn to see things new ways.

 I generally try to create an environment for myself and my customers that inspires them to look outside of our own self-induced boxes so creating a tiny little journal using nothing but some old playing cards and a lot of ephemera seemed like the perfect way to kick off one of my brand new
Creativity Crafternoons.   I hope you enjoy it!
(click here for more info:  http://www.rubyslippersarts.com/crafternoonsaturdays.html

For this particular playing card, I started with an old book and the hunt for some words that would define what I wanted my card to be about.... In my world, the words are always the jumping off point... and since I knew that I wanted to put my word of the year, Meraki on the flip side of the card, I came up with a few words I felt would honor the definition.... Cut them out and put them aside for later.

 Next I covered the card with some masking tape (totally forgot to take a photo, sorry) to give it a little body and tooth....  Then the layering process can begin!  I tore up some of the cardboard from a box I had laying around in order to give the card a little density and with good old fashioned white craft glue, I simply began to layer different fibers, old lace from a vintage veil and more....

 A fabulous old button gifted from a friend, a few rhinestones and we're getting closer!  A few strands of some shredded hand-dyed muslin and I think we're good to go...Don't forget to punch a hold in the top so you can add a binder ring too!

Once I get to a place where I feel like there is enough of a vibe coming through, then it's time to add the words.  A bit of glue and a couple layers of Modge Podge seal it all up and like magic, a tiny little work of art is born!

Normally I would just add some layers of masking tape and a coat or two of gesso to the back in order to give myself a place to jot down a sentence or two, but since I am creating this deck as a 52 week mini journal, I wanted to give it a theme.  My word of the year is Meraki (scroll down a bit through the other posts to read all about it) so, since it's just the first week of the year, I decided to make this the "cover page" of my new journal by adding the definition to the back of the card! 

A fun project and a really creative and affordable way to get some use out of those lonely little playing cards we've all got laying around!

I hope you enjoyed my very first Creativity Crafternoon post!!
Please feel free to post and share your comments below!!
Wishing you bliss and blessings!
Heather

That Which You Resist Persists....

A million years ago, also known as somewhere around the year 1999-2000 I created what would eventually be known as a mineral makeup cosmetic company.  I didn't know it was actually called "mineral makeup," I didn't know if it would be well received, I only knew that I was madly in love with these tiny pots of colored powder I had stumbled upon at a trade show and my life would literally never be the same. 

 

To make a long story temporarily short, I had always worked in the cosmetic and fashion industries so when I had heard enough people complaining about the crap cosmetics they were forced to use, I knew that these magic little powders somehow held the key to making a positive difference. I just didn't realize at the time how truly profound it would be.

I was, at the time, dating a very fabulous guy (who I would later marry) who recognized and appreciated raw enthusiasm when he saw it and so, encouraged me to look into those little powders and what potential they might have.  So I started doing a crazy amount of research about cosmetics beyond what I knew about applying and wearing them.  I learned everything I could about the ingredients and magic little powders (aka, pigments) all the way down to how cosmetics were formulated and developed in labs.  I was hooked.  It wouldn't be long before I had managed to create a sweet little cosmetic company of my own.

Fast forward a few years later and the tiny little company that I created in one room of our house was now living in a 3000 square foot manufacturing facility where I had reps selling my products, a mirror version of my website in Singapore, employees helping to pack and ship my products to over 75 countries around the globe and I was in heaven...   Sometimes I would go to my building so that I could be alone, turn up the music and get lost in the process of creating new collections of colors faster than my clients could collect them.  I was also selling custom blended products in my store front and spinning like a whirling dervish as my company grew and grew.  And then one day after over 10 years in my biz, my makeup stained brain felt like it was going to explode and I decided that I just couldn't do it anymore. 

Beyond the exhaustion, I had convinced myself that any minute the other shoe was going to drop and the whole thing would be like a big mirage that eventually would come crashing down.  I let my fear of failure and the shame I was certain would go along with it get the best of me and I started to doubt myself constantly. 

The irony of this whole idea of failure is that I never got into the cosmetic world because I thought I would get rich... Nope, quite the contrary; money was actually the furthest thing from my mind.  I got into Mineral Makeup because I was in love with the artistry and potential of makeup.  I knew early on that my perfectionist, competitive nature meant that I would have no choice but to create the best possible product I could offer and it would always have to be a high quality product without compromising the integrity of the ingredients or raking women over the coals financially.  I knew that my love and innate understanding of the industry meant that I could give my clients a great education as far as product, trend and application goes. I also knew then as I know now that I have some kind of magical, crazy gift for understanding color and formulations which translated to no shortage of imagination for generating some truly exciting and innovative eye shadow colors and products. 

I was doing what I loved and yet, somehow felt like I just wasn't worthy of it...I really just needed to take a breath...or maybe a vacation, but hindsight is always 20/20 and I didn't actually figure that out until recently.  Darn it.

When I decided to close up shop, emails showed up from all parts of the globe from people wanting to buy my recipes and hire me as a consultant to help them create a company like mine.  I sold almost everything to do with the business and thought I was finished forever..at least that's what I tried to tell myself... 

Then the little tugs started happening.... I would literally feel a physical need to create a new color every once in a while....I had to whip up a custom foundation or blush and get my "fix."  I looked for reasons to talk about Mineral Makeup...but I also kept telling myself that it would pass.

I closed up shop and sold off everything roughly 4 years ago.  I've spent almost every day since wishing that I hadn't been so stubborn, proud and afraid.  Up until recently pride prevented me from telling my husband or the people who knew me best just how much I missed it. Gary and I would re-visit it or reminisce from time to time and I would come close to telling him that I wanted to go back, and then would talk myself out of it.  Thankfully, I have the sort of husband that knew when to not push...

So I did other things that creative entrepreneurs like myself, do...I created new businesses and kept my mind and my hands busy.  As long as I was doing something with my creativity I could pretend that those beautiful little powdered pigments weren't constantly calling my name.   I could pretend that the women I was meeting wouldn't have fun creating their own eye colors or letting me create a custom blended foundation for them...or offer a cosmetic refresher tutorial....

And so the years passed and the lies I told myself seemed to quiet down a bit unless I passed a makeup counter or needed to go into Ulta for something...then it was almost too much to bear but I kept looking forward and stayed comfortable in my cozy little sea of denial...for a while...

A little over three weeks ago I opened up something else that is exceedingly close to my heart....my wonderful new Art Studio and creative space called The Ruby Slippers....  It is a fabulous little spot in Union Pier, Michigan where people come to be a part of my other love....mixed media art and creativity!  I have a little artisan boutique with products created by myself and local artists, I offer workshops, classes and a magical place where people with no creative experience whatsoever can be comfortable and happy creating and learning to their hearts' content.  It is bliss and I am off to a fabulous start....but then one day almost out of the blue, the little tug starts again...

The tempting little muse who knows far more than she should would whisper that the beautiful light filled space right in the front window would be perfect for a little cosmetic nook... "Shhh...stop it Heather....you're past all that, it was a former life" I would tell myself.  Yet every day that I resisted the tug, the muse spoke louder until one day I somehow found myself online checking to see if my old cosmetic contacts were still around... Could I still get the bulk ingredients I needed to start from scratch?  What about jars?  Brushes?  I wondered what my former company would have been like today if Social Media had existed back then... I even started seeing new colors in my head... 

I was like a drug addict back on the streets looking for my next fix and man, I was in deep.

Then, I woke up one morning and the way all good things happen, by the Grace of God it dawned on me that this is what people mean when they talk about their true passion.  I had been searching for it as long as I could remember and it had literally been there sitting on my shoulder all along.  Now that I understood what it was I had been feeling, how could I ever knowingly choose to silence it again? I decided right then and there that I wouldn't.

I know that it's different for everybody but if you've experienced it even once, then you know what I mean.... It's that thing that you keep trying to silence or run from but it keeps finding you....that thing that gets your blood pumping fast and the fabulous dreaming and anticipation of WHAT IF is almost too much... It's what makes you smile to yourself when you think about how it feels to be doing that thing you love so very much. 

For me...the process of developing new products and colors was like that almost inexplicable feeling you have the first time you realize you're in love with the person you eventually wind up marrying.... In my world, not only did I marry the great guy, but I also got to experience that sort of butterfly high with every new collection and product launch I created. 

I was starting to really question my sanity for having intentionally chosen to give it up.

The good news is that I finally came clean with my husband....told him how much I had been missing my cosmetic company....told him exactly how much love I still had for those magical little jars of powder.  Suffice it to say, he wasn't surprised and in fact, wanted to understand why I hadn't just told him sooner. 

Duh Heather....it seems that the only one who didn't acknowledge how much you loved everything about your cosmetic company was you.

Today  I am proud...elated...excited...nervous and SO FREAKING HAPPY to tell you that I placed an order for the backbone of the bulk ingredients I need to get back to the art of creating Mineral Makeup again.  I'm not diving in the way I would like to, but instead am going to slowly wade back into the pool so that this time I can savor every moment of my cosmetic adventure. 

To be able to have a creative arts space where both of my true loves can live side by side is almost more than bliss than I can even think about and I intend to marinate in the deliciousness of it all for as long as I possibly can.

It's taken a lot of time to understand what passion really feels like.  I'm having to learn one step at a time that it's okay to enjoy it...to be happy....to stop resisting what I know makes my heart SING....

I am blessed and can't wait to share all this magic and possibility with clients, friends and anybody else who happens to cross my path....

The moral of this very long story is simple and so profoundly important...

Honor your passion...the one that you keep trying to silence or run from, or even worse, deny it's very existence.  I have news for you, no matter how creatively you to try to out run it, it's going to be like the scary guy in every horror movie and will always and forever be just a pace or two behind you.

Honor your passion enthusiastically, honestly and intentionally with your whole heart because until you do, I promise you that it will be like the nagging little itch in the middle of your back that you can't quite reach to scratch and it's not going to go away...ever.

Wishing you the courage to do what you already know will make so very happy!

Honor your passion.

Sending you love and blessings,

Heather

Meraki for Everybody!! Oopah!

 

Happy and healthy New Year!!

So, I'm not sure who started the whole "Word of the Year" phenomenon but I have to say, every year as we inch closer to the new year, it sure does make me think.

I'm not terribly fond of committing to one word that I believe can accurately represent an entire year, especially when I don't have a crystal ball to tell me what that year is going to look like.

But I can certainly live with the intention...the idea that if I plant a word or idea firmly in my heart, then perhaps it will shape what comes next...almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

My word for 2017 is MERAKI

I don't speak even a syllable of Greek, so I'm not even sure where I would have heard this beautiful word but one look at its definition and I knew it was exactly what I needed.

 

Meraki;

to do something with soul, creativity or love;

leaving a piece of yourself in what you are doing. 

Do it with Passion

Do it with Meraki

 

And after all, if it isn't done with Meraki, then really, what's the point of doing it at all, right?

So, my commitment to myself this year is do try and approach everything with love, with passion and with soul.  No more doing things just because it is expected of me, or because I am worried about what someone else will think.  No thank you. 

I'm bringing soul to the table and giving it a permanent seat!

 

I don't want to live an unconscious life....I want to live it with enthusiasm and passion and in celebration and excited anticipation of what it coming next.  Even on the cloudy days when it feels like all I want to do is stay in bed, if I can dig deep and find a way to live from a place of Meraki then imagine what a wonderful adventure every moment could be.

I have a good feeling about this year. 

I have launched a new art studio, I am getting ready to bring back a cosmetic line I had created and manufactured for over ten years and I really feel as though I am finally on the right path.

Bring on the good stuff 2017.  I am so ready!

 

Wishing you bliss and blessings!

Heather

 

 

 

Let That Shit Go.

So, after almost two years away from my blog, I’m back. 

 I kept visiting and thinking that maybe I was just done with the whole blog idea….maybe I had outgrown it, but I’ve had some experiences in the last several months that made me realize it was time to start writing again.

So, here’s my first big post of the New Year…

Today  I want to tell you briefly about my life-long relationship with SHAME.  We’re actually in the process of breaking up, but as I’m sure you know, some habits die hard, so while I’m working out the emotional custody issues etc. I thought I might share this with you….

If you are plagued by SHAME like I have been, it’s time to decide to LET THAT SHIT GO.

I’ve spent a lot of my life surrounded by family members who love to tell me all the ways they perceive that I have fallen short in my life or compare me to other family members that they believe have fallen short.   I let them lead me to think that I was damaged….broken and wildly flawed.   It was actually pretty easy to let them convince me that because I wasn’t like them….because I wouldn’t shrink down and smash myself into their boxes, then somehow I must have something really wrong with me.

I spent YEARS and YEARS going to therapists, self-analyzing, over-thinking and trying to fix so many things I was lead to believe were broken about me.  I have dragged shame around like a suitcase full of heavy, wet sand....and I was so tired from all the extra weight. (Figuratively and literally)

Turns out, the path towards healing can sometimes come from the strangest places and an angry email a few months ago from a member of my family was all it would take to cause me to do a little course-correcting and ultimately set me on new journey toward finally being free of my self-sabotaging ways.

 I received the email out of the blue and after getting past the initial shock, I stopped crying and read it until I couldn’t see straight.  I read it to my husband….and re-read it again and again until I almost had it memorized.  I kept reading because I was actually looking beyond the anger of their words for an answer.

Part of the shame I had carried with me over the years was in part because of how this person had treated me and suddenly after reading this email everything was different.   I was faced with the knowledge that there might not be one shred of truth to anything he had wanted me to believe about myself.  He condemned me because of things that he believed to be true and his mind had turned those beliefs into facts. 

 All those years I had truly thought I had done something horrible that I wasn’t aware of….some big terrible thing that I needed to apologize for, but it turns out, there wasn’t any ONE big thing.  In this person’s mind, there were a lot of little things over the years that they had chosen to hold on to....layered into the fact that he just doesn’t like me.  How do I argue or defend myself against someone; even if they're family, who has already made up their mind about me?   I don’t.

I had carried shame for so long…I had adopted SHAME as a crutch I would use for shrinking who I am, for limiting what I believed was possible for myself and for never quite becoming the woman I had really wanted to be.  Honestly, I think it got to a point where I became almost so used to settling and stopping myself before I ever really got out of the gate that I had forgotten what was even possible.

Suddenly, because of this email, I was beginning to understand for the first time in my life that my shame and what I believed about myself was based on a perception and had nothing to do with the truth of who I am.   Of course there are things about me I hope to improve on and I will never quit working to evolve into the very best version of me that I can be.  But I will do it based on what I know to be true about myself, not what I am told is a truth.  This person had told themselves and me an entire story; a myth about who I am that literally has absolutely nothing to do with me. 

This sort of clarity is one of those larger than life truths that has the power to alter everything.  Once you fundamentally grasp the knowledge with your heart, there is no way to un-know it and you can’t help but be changed forever. 

Shame is not real.  It is a story we tell ourselves based on what other people have told us because of what they told themselves….based on what they have been told, what they have experienced….and so on and so on.  Can you see how this is a big, addicting, cyclical mess?  Read it again.  Holy shit.  Think about the domino effect this has had on all of us...

We accept shame as truth and then spread it around like the common cold never thinking that maybe we should instead, be trying to set ourselves free by killing the germs that cause it.  Perception, history and experience have nothing to do with us and yet, they hold the power to affect us in ways we are not conscious of…until one fateful day and one lousy email rips the veil forever.  Then we must decide that it’s time to be done with shame once and for all because to accept anything less would just be ridiculous.

Like I said earlier, I’m doing my best to end my relationship with shame, but old habits really do die hard, so in the meantime, I just wanted you to know that you can choose to break up with shame too.

Many will try to tell you that YOU are the problem….some may unknowingly try to keep shame present in your life because they don’t know any better, but we don't have to accept it.  What once seemed like it was a permanent part of life now has an expiration date on it.  Make no mistake, it’s a choice….and it’s not an easy addiction to overcome, but with the right mirror and a new mantra, we are going to be just fine.

Like the saying goes, “what you think of me is really none of my business.”

Wishing you bliss and abundance,

Heather