Love is the Answer

So, yesterday I told you all about losing my little brother a few weeks ago and the profound impact it had on me.  Today is a day for taking a step towards living the lesson that I now understand to be true.  LOVE IS THE ANSWER.  If everything up to this moment was uncertain and serious, today we need to put on some lip gloss, and raise the energy around here!  As much as I would love to stay sad and live in a melancholy space, that would be an insult to my brother and the life he lived, so instead, I'm just going to lean on in and tell it as I see it!  The lesson is out there, and oh yes, it’s in here too (pointing to my heart) and I have received it loud and clear baby; “love is the answer.”  Now what? 

It sure does sound pretty but let’s be honest, how in hell are we supposed to live it when there are still people talking behind our back, casting judgments, making up stories, spreading un-truths, challenging our beliefs, cutting us off in traffic, doing us wrong, flipping us the bird….the list goes on and on.  How do we stay in the “love is the answer” space when all this shit is still being hurled at us?  That’s the million dollar question my friend.

I get it, I really do.  Some days I feel like I am one wrong, sideways look  away from throwing a rock at someone’s pretty little head.  But then I remember that as a functioning grown-up who likes to believe that she knows the difference between right and wrong, I need to at the very least, TRY to love them and their pretty, sideways looks.  While I may not love 100% of who they are 100% of the time, any bit of shared love is typically a lot better than getting arrested for throwing a rock at someone's head...maybe....I think. 

Stop that….no rock throwing is EVER good…. Do not throw rocks…or even sand….in fact, don’t even throw shade, I know you and you’re better than that!

Love and kindness and all that other intentional goodness is a choice and one that requires us to work at it every day until it becomes a habit (I’ll let you know how long it takes to become a habit as soon as I get there).  I speak from experience when I tell you that consciously choosing this whole “love one another” idea is no small thing, not even for me and I’m the one preaching about and desperately trying to live it. 

The truth is that I was raised by a mother who has taken finding the worst in people to a whole new level of awful and actually made it into her chosen art form.  My mother could find fault with pure AIR so believe me when I tell you that I am working constantly and very intentionally to undo many years of having been programmed to see the worst in just about anyone.  Maybe that’s why this is so important to me that I at least try to live in a head space that is the exact of opposite of what I was brought up seeing.

All I can really tell you with any certainty about love is that it’s a choice, it aint always easy, it aint always well received… and every single part of seeing and sharing it is a conscious choice that only YOU can make.   But if we do have a choice between seeing the best in someone, giving them the benefit of the doubt while elevating our mood AND putting good into the world OR finding fault and judgment in everybody and being a crotchety beast wallowing around in the mud all the time, doesn’t the answer seem simple and obvious?  (unless you’re my mother)  Of course the choice is clear…

CHOOSE LOVE EVERY SINGLE TIME BABY!!!

So, I have an idea….and I'm thinking maybe we can do this together…..maybe today you and I can decide that it is DAY ONE of our brand new “LOVE IS THE ANSWER” Adventure.  Perhaps we start with one tiny step towards love by finding something good in everybody!  For some of you this is as easy as taking a breath, for others with a long list of people you believe have hurt you or done you wrong, this might be a bit more challenging.  Can I suggest you join me in giving it a try anyway?  Yes YOU.  Right now!

Let’s do this!

Think of someone who up to this moment you’ve always thought was sort of a sucky human being…or who made you feel bad about yourself…or you can even pick somebody who someone else TOLD you is a sucky human being but you’ve never really talked to them enough to actually know what sort of human they are…you’re just being sort of judgy and kind of like a robot who doesn’t really have your own opinions.…but I’m not judging you because I feel nothing but love and you have such pretty eyes!!  

Anyway, picture that person as if they were standing right in front of you…smile at them     (a genuine smile, not the serial killer kind of smile that you usually share)….look deep into their eyes and tell them one thing you absolutely love about them….yep, I said it….

TELL THEM what you LOVE about them  (stop freaking out, this is an imaginary exercise designed to get you to start looking for and ultimately finding the good in EVERYBODY and guess what, nobody is forcing you to play along, this is all voluntary so stop complaining and find the good).

Did you see yourself doing it?  Did you see the look of shock and awe on their face?  But wait…did you also see a hint of a smile form on the sides of their mouth?  I saw it!  Yay for you!  You made someone happy today…well, an imaginary someone….but at least they were happy.  

Now be honest, I know that it gave you a fluttery stomach ache for a few seconds, but then didn’t it feel fabulous to say something nice to somebody who is probably only a jerk because somebody made them feel like they aren’t worthy of your compliment to begin with?  (seriously, I do not excuse them, but do you really think bullies begin their lives as bullies or do they maybe get to that mean place as a response to how they were treated first?  Think about it…the world needs more love dammit!  Even and especially the bullies.) 

Since I know you were about to ask, yes, I actually do get tired of trying to keep up with and outsmart the shitty people.  I find it requires a hell of a lot less effort to be nice, I really do. Just the thought of plotting in advance how I’m going to be mean to somebody makes me tired!  (Did I mention that I’m a Scorpio and YES, we most certainly do plot these things in advance…. Did you really think we were all just spontaneously witty? Ha…not so much) 

The easiest thing when we feel crappy about ourselves or are in a bad mood is to try and spread our lousy mood around because as the negative old saying goes, “misery loves company.”  But think about it, how selfish do we have to be to think that our mood is the only mood that matters and that if I’m feeling bad than you damn well better believe you’re going to feel bad too!  Really?  Now who’s the shitty person?

That’s just rotten and you and I are NOT rotten.  Yes, we’re bruised and tired, and our feelings might be hurt and we might really want to hurt someone else’s feelings so they know how it feels, but nobody can ever really know what we’re feeling because they are not us and we all experience things differently.  

So stop expecting everybody to drop everything and feel the way you do do….it’s not going to ever happen!  The closest you’ll get is maybe some empathy, or perhaps if you get really dramatic, you’ll be on the receiving end of a fabulous pity party, but do you really want people feeling sorry for you?  Probably not, but if you do, this blog is certainly not going to help you at all because you don’t really WANT to be helped, so you should stop reading and go find something else to occupy your time. 

We’re closed.

Anyway, I digress.  How about instead of peddling anger and grief, we skip all that nonsense and go straight to the good stuff…  What if we went out of our way to try and leave every single person we meet better off than when we found them?  Maybe that  just means ten seconds of looking deep into their eyes and offering them an authentic smile, one of those smiles that lets them know that they have been truly seen!!!

YES TO BIG BEAUTIFUL INTENTIONAL SMILES!!!!
Let’s get fabulous new shoes and intentionally take the road less traveled….let’s hold hands and get in there deep where the truth and unconditional love lives.  It’s so much prettier there and I think you’ll agree with me, happy, fluffy, candy, coated love feels so much better than jagged, cold, toothy, snot nosed anger!!! (how’s that for a visual?)

 Love is the good stuff baby!  It’s the Tootsie Roll or Bubble Gum at the center of the lollipop!  It’s the cheap and crappy fabulous surprise in the bottom of the Cracker Jack Box (or cereal box if you are too young to know what Cracker Jacks are). Love is all those extra quarters and dimes that come back when you pay exactly what you’re supposed to pay at the automated toll booth on the Illinois SkyWay and for whatever reason, you magically get a pile of change for no reason.  (Or so I’ve heard)

Love is AWESOME and once you get a little you want more and more and then all of a sudden you have so much that it spills over the top and you wind up giving some away because there just isn’t enough room in your beautiful heart to hold all that love…and since you’re a responsible and kind grown-up, you know that anything worth having is always exponentially better and grows SO MUCH bigger when it’s given away.  WOW!  How great is love?  

I was right all along (surprise surprise)…..love really is the answer. (Insert bubble machine bubbles here)

On the other hand, anger and judgment and all its other mean-girl, negative friends, well they are like the cold, hard brick walls of a prison….a dark prison that you build for yourself and for whatever reason, keep hurling yourself into no matter how much it hurts….because it’s a bad habit and you keep forgetting that some habits are made to be broken (or is that promises? )! 
And guess what else is true? You probably don’t even remember this, but you can leave that shitty prison of yours any time you want to, you’re the one who knows the way out…you’re the only one who has the magical mystical key.

So, what the heck….the choice is yours….and mine…. Cold, ugly, void of human emotion, self-imposed anger prison or big, beautiful, fluffy white clouds and multi-colored candy covered love?  You choose!  If you chose anything but love, choose again….and again….until you choose love.

If I were a gambling woman, and as a matter of fact, I am a gambling woman (not often, but often enough to be able to say that I AM a gambling woman…even if they are only nickel slots) I would bet that you always choose love because YOU are a fabulous human being with a heart as big as your imagination can see (bigger) and I instinctively know that no matter what you might have previously chosen for yourself yesterday, you suddenly realize that today is a beautiful, brand-new-world-of-possibility day and you have known all along that love really is the only answer!!

How amazing does this feel? Yay for us!!   We’re intentionally shiny, happy, love sharing and love living people and we’re just getting warmed up!  WOW!!  We’re about to permanently move into the most magical heart space because where there is love, there is always Happily Ever After possibility….and we can say so because now we know so.

So now you know all the really important stuff my friend, but it’s up to you to get out there and live it!  Love has the capacity to literally fix every single thing and change it into twinkling, sparkly, glittery beams of rippling, never ending bliss filled light.  But first we have to decide to BE love….give love…receive love and yes, find love even in the darkest, saddest, scariest and heart-breakiest of places….

No matter who, no matter what, no matter where and nope, don’t even bother trying to ask why because the reason is always the same….love is always the answer!!

Wishing you bliss and blessings!

Heather