Expectation Killed Happiness

“Hey Heather…..Expectation is the Mother of all Happiness Killers…."
That’s the first thing I heard when I woke up this morning.  Some sort of bizarre voice in my head tapping on the inside of my brain to let me know that, just in case I hadn’t already figured it out; “expectation is the ultimate happiness killer.”  I don’t know where the voice actually came from or who it was doing the talking (could have been the reasonable, rational ME who knows way too much about life and likes to show off every once in a while by actually making SENSE) but it’s one of those things I heard SO clearly and intentionally that now I can’t STOP hearing it and I feel like I need to share!

How many versions of unhappiness in our lives can actually be attributed to disappointment?  And yet, disappointment with ourselves or others is ultimately just the unwrapped, stripped down result of expectation that has not been met or satisfied, right?  BAM! 
Expectation Kills Happiness!!
I think my brain is on to something here!

-The promotion you didn’t get.
-The human being that really let you down, didn’t say the right thing, didn’t have your back etc
-The friend who wasn’t there when you really needed them to be.
-The guy who cut in front of you at the coffee shop.
-The weather report that was dead wrong (I know that’s a really tough one to believe)
-The 25 pounds that didn’t magically disappear from the reading on the scale
-The house you didn’t sell.
-The credit you never got.
-The art project that wound up not turning out like you thought it would.
-The date that just plain sucked.
-The trip that got cancelled.
-The event that flopped.
-The compliment nobody bothered to give you.
-The spouse or significant other that let you down.
-The person you looked up to falling from grace.

Oh my gosh...The list goes on and on; all sorts of things and desired outcomes we hoped would happen that simply didn’t…or they fell short, or they just absolutely tanked… 
Expectation Expectation Expectation (peppered with a little bit of perception but we’ll talk about that another day)
We expected and hoped for one thing, and what we wound up with was completely different or maybe the total opposite.  
We are left feeling disappointed, unhappy, pissed off, resentful, scorned, sad….  None of these adjectives are things we strive for, but let’s face it, when things don’t go our way, when our expectations haven’t been met, we are not happy campers.

So as I was laying in bed this morning and thinking about this delightful “wake-up statement” that greeted me today, my mind started wandering.   I started to recognize just how many times throughout the course of one tiny day I equate or rank my own happiness based on some sort of an expected external outcome.  Then my mind wandered further up the road and I realized that this mentality means that I am literally gift wrapping and handing over control of my own happiness to an expected result that I have little or no control over.  I'm setting myself up to be miserable dammit!

It dawns on me that happiness being contingent on results is sort of like playing some type of bullshit Bliss roulette….  Rather than deciding to be happy FIRST, I was hinging everything on results…an emotional crap shoot; a spin of the proverbial happiness wheel.  Put everything on RED (expectation) and if that nasty little ball doesn’t stop on red (intended outcome doesn’t happen) then there it is; MISERY! Ding Ding Dine, we have a winner!

When did we (yes, you’re officially in this mess  now too) decide that we have no control over our own happiness?
When did it become easier to hand over the keys to our “Happiness Castle” to someone or something else rather than just choosing to be happy?
Maybe (and I’m just thinking out loud here, so bear with me) we do that because blaming some external force for our discontent or UN-happiness might just be a little easier than taking responsibility for our own feelings and ultimately, for our own life. (Yes!!)
Is it possible that we become victims of circumstance who can comfortably and habitually point fingers so that we can avoid looking in the mirror? (gasp)

Are we programmed as children to believe that we have to wait for the happy ending versus living it from the beginning? No good grade, no happiness.  No coloring in the lines, no happiness.  No date to the dance, no happiness.  No hanging with the “cool kids,” no happiness.  No place on the team, no happiness... I'm unhappy just thinking about all of this.

Can’t we just live happy lives because it feels so much better than sadness or disappointment? 

After all this pre-coffee mind wandering today, I’m realizing that it really does require more energy to rely on someone else or some external outcome to deliver happiness versus just BEING happy. 

What would happen if we decided to RE-member that happiness is a place we can start FROM versus being a destination we have to get TO? (insert choir of angels singing and dramatic thunder and lightning here)

Oh, and by the way nay-sayers, yes of course I realize it sounds simplistic, but I gotta tell you, I crave simplistic happiness in my life.  I seek out simplistic happiness.  I NEED simplistic happiness.  I’ve endured enough drama, sadness and disappointment this year (and its only August) to last me a lifetime.  So when I woke up to that voice and realized this morning that most of that sadness is due to my expectations not being met, I decided that I’m done with it.  I’m done living inside of a life that tethers happiness to outcome.  I’m done waiting for happiness that is always and forever based on something else happening.  To hell with that crap.  I like the idea of being happy RIGHT NOW!  Bring on the happy!

So my beautiful friends, now we (yes, still talking to you) have a choice, and believe me when I tell you that it very much IS a choice….  We can be happy right now or not….but make no mistake, it is completely up to you….the decision is fundamentally and unconditionally yours; every moment of every day.  Your choice.  
Of course I could help out and hand you a laundry list of reasons NOT to be happy because that would be so easy and heck yes, misery absolutely loves company.  But really, aren’t you sick and tired of waiting for happiness versus just BEING happy?  I am.

Isn’t the choice sort of simple?  I think so.  We'll take the leap and jump in together! 
Screw the expectations! 
Let's just choose happiness and never look back….no matter what!

Wishing you bliss and blessings!
Heather